June 2, 2018
I had a book reading/signing in Palm Springs last weekend. The reading portion – always my favorite part of any bookstore appearance - went very well. There were laughs and hearty applause from the 80 or so people in attendance, although they did stop short of tucking twenties into my waistband, probably assuming I’d be offended. (I would not.) (Several friends took inappropriate delight in photographing this chalkboard MINUS the "Selected Items" line) “Now [...]
May 25, 2018
I want a TV series. Don’t judge. This isn’t champagne wishes and caviar dreams bullshit. I’m not busy imagining what it would be like to invite friends to my palatial home in the Malibu colony, where my 50 feet of private beach frontage makes them wish I was dead. I’m not spending my days envisioning waving at the cameras as I’m seated next to Spielberg and Oprah at the Oscars. (Even though I’d make sure [...]
May 19, 2018
The first comment friends and family make when they discover that I’m working on a second (or third) memoir, is “Oh, that’s great” - followed almost immediately by the question: “Am I in this one?” When I mention that they say this almost immediately, I mean literally in the same breath. “OH THAT’S GREAT AM I IN THIS ONE?” No comma, no pause. Really, why bother indicating interest in my artistic goals? Why bother congratulating [...]
May 12, 2018
I’d sooner stab myself in the eye than do a reading at a bookstore. Don’t get me wrong: I love bookstores. And I love giving others the gift of hearing me read aloud. (Perhaps that’s why I’m not asked to appear more often.) I just hate what’s required to deliver a worthy crowd of buyers. Generally speaking, unless you’re J. K. Rowling, no one is camping out on the sidewalk to hear you read. No [...]
May 5, 2018
My new book just sold to Audible. I guess you could call it, Excuse Me – the Ears Edition. I’m really excited about this, because my first book was never made into an audiobook. Now, I feel like I’ve arrived. It means my words are good enough to be spoken aloud, like the Gettysburg address or a felony conviction. I don’t know yet if I’ll be reading it or if some actor will be playing [...]
April 28, 2018
I met my first agent, a few years back, at a writer’s conference in Maui. She was young and blond and beautiful and straight. I was not. At the time, the Maui Writer’s Conference did this brilliant thing: they’d have you post the first 10 pages of your book online, and the various agents and editors who were attending would read the submissions in advance and let you know if they were interested. (They later [...]
May 8, 2014
I have a candy dish on my desk at work. This was something I initiated when I first started at my job years ago. It would, I thought at the time, encourage my co-workers to feign interest in me for at least as long as it took them to plunge their sticky hands into the bowl and snatch a Snickers bar. And indeed, it worked. People from all over the floor stopped by to pretend [...]
March 28, 2014
What song do you want played at your funeral? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I hope it’s not an omen. I mean, I eat right, work out, and play tennis. (Yes, I’m sporty now. Shut up.) But you never know. And I’d like to be prepared. I mean, everyone will naturally be distraught and devastated, and I don’t want them screwing this up. So I started asking people for ideas. My best friend [...]